Julie Nohe shares her truth.

"I can confidently say I am an overcomer of rape and sexual abuse. I am free from the addiction to drugs and alcohol. I have been set free from the prison of my mind, and my identity has been restored."

From five years old, I remember daily harassment and bullying at school, because I wore glasses. I just wanted to fit in, but the other kids were merciless. I was the outcast of the class

When I was eight years old, my Dad become seriously ill with Multiple Sclerosis, the disease rapidly attacked his immune system and his mental health deteriorated with his body.

My parents separated because of the stress of Dad’s illness and risk to our safety through his unpredictable behavior and mental state. My wonderful family life was broken. Dad and his eldest son returned to England, for Dad to be with his family, and my mum, me and my other brother moved in with Mum’s new boyfriend.

Trapped

Mum’s boyfriend became our stepfather and our happy family was over. My stepfather was angry and violent. He would beat my older brother regularly, often until he was bloody and lifeless. I remember vividly seeing my beloved brother like this and wondering how he could survive. After four years of physical abuse, my brother left home; he was fifteen years old.

My mum was rendered unconscious once, but was subject to his psychological abuse constantly and because of her own childhood trauma, she was powerless. Mum succumbed to his controlling and manipulative behaviour.

We were trapped. I felt like I was in prison. Controlled by fear and guilt.

The abuse I received from my stepfather was the secret kind. From the moment we moved in with him, I was sexually violated.

My virginity was stolen from me when I was eight years old. I endured this abuse for four long years; he treated me as his sexual partner and threatened me to keep me silent.

I gained the courage at twelve years old to stop his vile touch, but he was enraged and continued to enforce his power by refusing to let me out of the house. The years of lies, sexual abuse and psychological torment I endured during this time left emotional wounds that kept me bound for decades.

My eldest brother came to New Zealand to visit at this time. I had missed him so much and was overjoyed to finally see him again, but he came with terrible news – my Dad had died. The night I learned of my father’s death, my heart broke. I sobbed uncontrollably, “I want my Daddy back.”

Words cannot express the pain I was in. I felt alone and ugly. I had no sense of value or purpose. I wanted to be invisible, so no one could hurt me anymore.

Rebellion

On the outside, I appeared the obedient child, but when eyes were turned, I was up to no good.

Truancy from school, running away from home, promiscuity, drugs and alcohol had become my normal and my refuge. Drugs and alcohol ruled my life, and I loved to indulge in them to excess.

One night, when I was out with some friends, we were picked up by the Police for wagging school. I was in a stolen car, with guys I did not know and about to shoot up with Heroin.

The police intervention helped me to finally reveal the ugly secret of the childhood sexual abuse I had endured. I had carried that secret for seven years, and it was finally out.

With my stepfather now in prison, Mum could not handle my out-of-control behaviour and so I became a ward of the state. Mum believed she was doing what was best for me. I was placed in a Christian home. God was providing for me and I didn’t even realise it.

Death

My life was spinning out of control; by age sixteen I had become pregnant to my drug dealer boyfriend, but at eight months pregnant, I suffered a massive hemorrhage due to my placenta tearing - my baby tragically and painfully died.

An emergency caesarean was required to remove baby and a hysterectomy considered in order to save my life. Thankfully my mother believed in me, so did not grant permission for this. However, for the next three days, I was at death's doorway. I was placed on a mortuary table - the professionals had no expectation that I would live.

I’m told I lost about thirteen Litres of blood. The mortuary table has a rim on it, and I was placed on this table so all my blood could be contained and channelled down the drain. The nurses had run out of towels and were wearing white gumboots, it became difficult for them to keep cleaning up all my blood because of there was so much of it.

I was given platelets to thicken my blood as a last hope. and my brother was allowed in to see me as they were unsure if I would survive. My life was hanging by a thread.

On Christmas Day, three days after the death of my baby, I was moved up to a ward. I was going to survive. God kept me alive! It is by God’s grace that I lived to see another day, and Christmas for me has an extra special meaning.

I experienced various other pregnancies over the next three years, all ending in miscarriage; but at nineteen years old, despite complications with baby’s umbilical cord being tied in a knot, I delivered a healthy boy through emergency caesarean. I decided then to leave my boyfriend and give all my attention and love to my newborn son.

I had no thoughts toward the value of myself or my body. Sex was a weapon, a transaction and a way to make men pay for all that they had taken from me.

I soon got involved with another man; he was a drug addict, very unpredictable and dangerous. I recall one time he had held a gun to my head and threatened to kill me. He coerced me into doing many despicable things, including criminal acts and prostitution. It was around this time I was raped three times, by three different men on different occasions.

Despair

I never comprehended the cost that this decision to prostitute would have on my son. I remember one awful night; I had been working as a prostitute and had got a phone call from the babysitter. I stumbled into hospital, not knowing where to look, or what I would find.

As I pulled back the curtain, I remember gasping from the wrenching pain I felt in my gut. My baby boy! His face was purple, swollen, cut, his nose broken.

His eyes were full of pain as he looked at me. He couldn’t speak but his eyes said it all,

“Where were you Mummy? I needed you to protect me.”

My boyfriend had beaten my twenty month old son. I don’t remember the man who had just paid me, but I will never forget that look on my son’s face. I had failed him. He was taken off me by Social Welfare, and I was not permitted to see him for months.

I was twenty one and my reason for living was gone. I was in deep despair; powerless and angry. My life was full of drunken parties at clubs, pubs and gang pads. This drunken lifestyle kept me numb from having to face the tremendous pain of my reality.

Suicide was often on my mind, but my son was my saving grace. After various meetings and over time with Social Welfare and my son’s caregiver, I was permitted restricted visits every second weekend.

I was looking for love with various men and women to somehow fill the empty void I felt inside. For six years, I lived in a lesbian relationship because of the continual abuse I had experienced from men. I had deceived myself to believe that this was my true identity. I hated who I had become.

My Date with Destiny

I remember one day, as I waited at an Auckland City Train Station, I spotted my brother! From this random encounter we reconnected after so many years apart. He had found Jesus Christ on his journey and shared his faith with me. Through his continuous encouragement, over time I started to try church too.

I spent eighteen months in another church before deciding to go to Destiny Church. The moment I heard the preached word, it resonated with me at a level I had never experienced before. It was deeper than just the words that were being spoken.

In that moment, I knew intrinsically that I was ‘home’ and this church would be my church for life.

After one year of being in Destiny, my son was returned into my care with commendations of how radically my life had transformed. I had been without him for ten years.

I will be forever grateful to my brother for the way he nurtured the beginnings of my journey with Jesus. I am grateful for his prayers and non-judgmental love

Restoration

All the years the devil had stolen from me in my youth, all the times he had tried to destroy me through violence, addiction, medical emergency or suicide; my God has restored one hundred times over.

I am now happily married with a gorgeous son (born in 2011) and my now adult son, is also married and has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It is only because of Jesus that our relationship has been restored.

I had disowned my mum for many years, and as I later found out my stepfather also kept her from seeing me. She also endured regular strangulation and other abuse at his hand. I always loved her, but I didn’t understand how she could stay with a man who had caused so much hurt to all of us. I harbored hate for her choice to stay with him and unforgiveness for the feelings of hurt, abandonment and neglect.

I had no idea of the trauma my Mum had experienced herself growing up and how those generational dysfunctions continued to be outworked in our family. Over time, I began to realise, that Mum and I had both made decisions out of our wounded hearts.

The enemy came to rob, kill, steal and destroy my family and it is only through the healing of Jesus Christ that we have all been able to forgive and move forward together in unity.

It is because of Jesus that my family has been restored and has overcome family violence. I have been healed of all the deep wounds from my past: rejection, perversion, fear, shame, guilt, depression, death and suicide; anger, rebellion, poverty and the bitter root of unforgiveness - to name a few!

I have planted myself in Destiny Church, and over time, I have learned how to pray in faith and trust God in all things, even heartbreaking loss and pain.

It matters where you go to church; it matters who your spiritual authority is, and it certainly matters whose voice you give priority to. All that I am now - all that I speak and all that I do, is a copy of the example of Bishop Brian and Pastor Hannah Tamaki. They show me how to live a life with Christ. They are the pattern I follow.

The Transformation of Kathy Ansin

The abuse and violence I experienced as a child, really messed with my head and gave me a twisted idea of what love was, and also of men. The men in my life had either abused me or left me. I was raped, by a family member, repeatedly between the ages of 8 – 13 years old.

I blamed myself and thought that it was something that I was doing wrong. I stopped grooming and washing my hair. I have been badly beaten, knocked out and hospitalised.

I wore very baggy clothes and learnt the skill of being invisible. I used alcohol to numb myself from the pain.

I remember the feeling of abandonment and panic when my mother escaped from my father without me, and I was left to fend for myself against his violence.

I remember the ache of hunger. Days on end without food. The numbness of perpetual hunger.

I remember shopping days – I would wear dad’s overalls tucked into his gumboots and walk around the grocery store shoving food and other items into my clothing - wherever it would fit.

My father taught me how to work within the government system and use it to our advantage. Very little I did was honourable or legit. As I grew older, I learnt to know what men wanted and how to get what I needed through manipulation and cunning.

I had shut myself off from feeling anything, while the real me became an expert at being invisible.

My Son

My son connected with Destiny Church in his Intermediate school years. I was drinking and doing drugs, and I was happy to let him go and be a part of the activities. I could carry on with what I was doing and felt better about it ‘cause at least my son wasn’t doing criminal activity like the other kids in our neighbourhood.

Every time he was in a performance or dance, he would invite me along and I would go to support him – I’d always say, “that was good son, but that church is not for me.”

That’s the way it was for years – me living my life of alcohol and drugs, and my son going to Destiny Church. Essentially, my son has been brought up by Destiny Church from the age of twelve; significant adults encouraged my son when I wasn’t there for him.

They told him that God was giving him the strength to be the breakthrough for his family. That he could save them and that he could rise up above his circumstance to a brighter day.

He was mercilessly mocked and persecuted by me and his aunties, but yet he continued.

Eventually, it got to the stage I couldn’t ignore the church any longer, they had moved from Mt Wellington to Wiri and were now only two streets away from my home!

I’d wake up, hung over on a Sunday and my kids would be gone – gone to Destiny Church!

My Date with Destiny

At my daughter’s water baptism, I decided to find out more about what this church was about, so I went to the Inside Out classes, and as I let the teaching retrain my mind, I slowly began to make changes.

My speech and attitude changed: I stopped the mocking and ridicule of my son and of the church, I even started standing up for him! I also decided that I would make a stand with my son, and no longer allowed alcohol, drugs or patched gang members in my home.

For the first time in my life, Christ was real, it wasn’t a religious thing or an obligation out of guilt.

One Sunday, at the altar, I made a commitment to God, and to Bishop, as my spiritual father – this time it was for real.

Forgiven

During my Legacy journey, my son confronted me on my continued drinking habit, we had an argument because I didn’t want to give it up. He was hurt and angry and almost in tears. But it was what he said to me that bought me to my knees.

“Mum, I forgive you for all the alcohol and drugs you brought into our home, and Mum, I forgive you for all the different men you bought through my life, and Mum, I forgive you for the beat ups I used to get as a child … I just forgive you, Mum.”

I didn’t ask for that forgiveness! I was standing there absolutely blown away and confronted by the sh@* I had put my kids through. Yes, I had done that. Everything he said was true.

My son’s forgiveness of me, enabled me to be able to forgive too.

There were so many traumatic events in my childhood that I was able to face and eventually forgive. I have forgiven my dad, and the man who raped me, and my mum who had left me when I was so young. I realise now, that forgiveness is not a “get out of jail free card” nor is it letting them off the hook.

“Forgiveness gives me permission to get on with my life and gives me the power to let the pain go.”

This is the story of Tracie Mahia

Everyone knew everyone else in the town where I grew up - life was slow, easy and familiar. I was the youngest girl in a large family and my parents were well known.

My parents were quite progressive and hospitable, we were the first in town to get a colour TV! Mum was a wonderful cook and a very nurturing woman. I remember her prayers for us – she would pray for us all the time. The community knew my Dad as generous and kind, and he provided for our family a comfortable lifestyle - but he would often be drunk. He would work hard for three or four days a week and for the rest, he’d be drinking.

Mum ran the details of home and us kids, Dad was very quiet – I don’t remember him being involved with us kids much unless it was to my brothers to go with him to deliver a load of wood or to have the final say in a discipline issue that Mum couldn’t handle.

Tragic Loss

Mum was happy and healthy, the next she was tired and old looking. It was a horrible shock to our family when my mother got sick.

My brother and I were the youngest and no one told us anything when my mother started to get sick. The experience of seeing her in a hospital bed was terrifying! I clutched at my aunties’ clothing, when I was taken to the hospital room because I didn’t recognize the old lady in the bed.

Right up to her death, I remember her trying to reach out to touch me, or to speak to tell me how much she loved me; I remember the touch of her caress on my face. When my mother died, I was devastated. I was nine. I was shattered and adrift.

I was so very sad, but I didn’t know who to talk to or even what to say to express my pain.

On the night of her burial, my younger brother and I were told to sleep in Dad’s bed with him. My father – ravaged by grief and alcohol – raped me twice that night.

That night was the end of my innocence and the beginning of my hell. I remember my little brother asleep beside me. I remember the shock and brutality of the rape. I remember the weight of him and my revulsion. I remember my silent screams and the taste of my tears.

My Dad continued to abuse me, both sexually and physically for another couple of years. Eventually I was sent away to live with an Aunty in Rotorua, but in that short time, my young life had been ruined.

My broken heart over my mother’s death and my shame over what my father was doing to me had no boundaries. It spilled into my mind and heart and contaminated everything. It was like a black swirling tide. I was so angry. I hated myself and became very ugly in my behavior.

I was violent and prone to punching and kicking the other kids in my school. I would swear at the teachers and get told to leave. I stayed in Rotorua until I was about thirteen, but I was homesick. One day I just up and left - I got some money off an ‘uncle’ I knew and caught a bus back home.

After returning to my hometown, I went back and lived in the same house as my Dad, he never touched me again. We just co-existed. I remember Dad telling me one night that he was sorry for what he had done to me; but he was horangi (drunk) and I was so angry that I couldn’t hear it.

Darkness and Depression.

The hate that I had toward myself caused me to attempt suicide on several occasions.

Drugs were easy to get, so was alcohol. I was addicted to both by the time I was fourteen.

I would pop the prescription pills that my aunties and uncles would get from their doctors – valium, dopamine; anything and everything to numb my hate and forget my trauma.

I was also working full time in the Kaiangaroa Forest. I learnt to prune and plant trees; I was tough and could work as well as any man. I could drink them under the table and plant just as many trees.

Any man that was interested in me sexually, was firmly rebuffed. When I met John, he was five years older than me and I knew that he would be the man I married. We were both into drugs and fell into an easy friendship.

John and I were together for three months before I let him touch me. I became pregnant soon after. I had no idea I was pregnant. I was working hard in the forest as usual, carrying bags of 100 seedlings, I was also drinking and taking drugs heavily.

All of my friends were young and having sex, we had no concept of pregnancy or how to care for ourselves. I had gone to a doctor’s appointment for a sore stomach, it was in his office that he discovered I was pregnant, and my placenta was tearing. I was rushed to Rotorua Hospital by ambulance.

John was asleep at home and I had no way of contacting him. I went to hospital all by myself and was completely unprepared. I was so young.

The nurse and doctor were like God to me – remote and uncaring, “You know your baby is dead, aye” one callous doctor said to me.

My baby girl was born premature at twenty-five weeks, her lungs were under-developed and she was very weak. I named her Miria. I remember being bewildered and very afraid. My poor baby had suffered from the extent of my destructive lifestyle – she was only 880 grams when she was born and was flown to Waikato Hospital NICU before I was even able to hold her.

My daughter and I had no opportunity to bond or touch. Miria was in hospital for the first nine months of her life. I went to Hamilton to be as close as I could to her, but I was alone and without support – I didn’t know what to do.

Young. Immature. Unprepared and stuck at home with a very needy baby, I fell into depression and continued my heavy drinking and drug taking. I was at a loss as to how to love or enjoy her. I was harsh and very strict - my expectations of my daughter were unrealistic and too high - so she was always wrong in my eyes.

I was able to take care of baby, but I hated myself so much that I couldn’t bond with her as my beautiful daughter.

Over the years, Miria would grow up to be a beautiful but sullen girl, careful not to do anything to make me irritated. She tells me that she used to gather up the left-over marijuana buds and smoke them after our parties. She basically raised herself and resented me for it.

Five years later, I got pregnant again but continued my drinking and drug habit throughout the pregnancy. This led to another premature birth, but without the trauma of the first experience. This time I was able to be at home with my Aunty as midwife and family as support. I bonded with this baby immediately and adored her. I named her Lisa.

Insanity.

My mental health was continuing to suffer due to my habitual alcohol and drug taking and the unresolved trauma of my father’s abuse.

I was depressed and falling deeper into insanity. I suffered from insomnia – weeks and months at time without sleep. I also suffered vivid hallucinations and visitations from strange demonic beings. John was desperate and admitted me to the Psychiatric ward at Rotorua Hospital.

My behavior had become increasingly irrational, violent and frightening. I was placed in a padded room and restrained in a straight-jacket. I don’t remember very much of this time, but I am told that it took five policemen an hour to wrestle me from the house to the car. I fought them the whole way.

Sedation medicine would only last for twenty minutes before I was up and fighting the restraints and the nurses again. I was like a zombie – desensitized, vacant, twitching and stumbling.

The official diagnosis I was given was bipolar and schizophrenia. During my stay in the hospital, the sedation drugs kept me in a perpetual stupor. I would dribble and shuffle, not able to see clearly or think through a plan.

John remained with our daughters. He was really awesome, he would visit me as often as he could. It was because of John’s relentless love that I started to become well.

I wanted to be well, I wanted to be loved and to love myself. Slowly I weaned myself off the drugs and became part of my daughters’ lives again. I didn’t want to ever swear or be unwell in my mind again.

The Difference of Destiny

I was invited to Destiny Church by my neighbor. She was persistent, even though me and John hid from her every time that she came to our door to invite us!

The first Sunday I went, I was still foggy from the medicine I was on, but I could understand the preaching and I went to the front afterwards for prayer. I felt instantly new and fresh. I got home and told John all about it, “there’s this new Maori guy preaching, you’ll love it!” He was skeptical.

I usually would shout and argue with him, but this time I kept my peace and I prayed. My prayer was raw and childlike: “I don’t know how to talk to you, God, but all I’m going to say is, “Can you tell John that he has to come to church tonight, ‘cause I’m too scared, and this is all really new. Can you zap him?”

I went to church again that night. So did John, but he sat at the back. He told me later that he thought I must’ve told the Pastor on him! The message of the love of Jesus pierced his heart and he too, went forward to receive Jesus.

I noticed that things at home, and in our relationship, were instantly better because of Jesus and Destiny Church. My relationship with John was better, my parenting was better and I noticed that the more I listened to the preaching and the more I read my Bible, the faster my old habits dropped off and my mental health was restored.

We got water baptised and then married within months of our salvation. Life was so completely different. I invited our whole street to our wedding. I wanted everyone to experience the love and peace of God that I had found.

Bishop Brian and Pastor Hannah were so lovely to us. They spent a lot of time teaching and loving us. They were never ‘judgy’ or religious, I always felt welcomed and important. I noticed that there was a need for the church to be cleaned, so I decided to volunteer and would walk the five kilometers on a Monday morning to vacuum and clean the auditorium and bathrooms.

I was so fresh and so in love with Jesus and this new way of living. Nothing deterred me. Slowly and surely, God began to make all things new. My sanity was restored. I was able to forgive my Dad and was released from all the brokenness and trauma of my past.

I Have Found a Better Way.

I have been in Destiny church for thirty years. I have seen the Lord work miracles in my life and the lives of those I love. My daughter Lisa, her husband and their two precious daughters are with us in church, as well as Miria’s son.

I work as an advocate for those suffering from mental illness and have challenged the medical profession at all levels on the practice of prescription medicine given to mental health patients. I can tell you they don’t like me very much! Prescription medicines given to mental health patients are not the answer. I know a better way.

To the woman reading my story: Trust yourself and your internal faith and strength. Find your voice. Allow yourself to be set free.

Don’t let your past or trauma limit you. You can be confident. You are beautiful. You are forgiven.

"People are searching for a stronger person to connect with. "

Karen Gerrie has lived in Porirua for most of her life, this is her story.

"I have never heard my parents tell me that they love me or are proud of me. But in their own way, I’m sure they do. During my childhood, I discovered I was different than others and didn’t fit in."

I was in trouble all the time. I couldn’t sit still for long and I didn’t make friends easily. I had difficulty learning how to read, how to spell, and how to do maths. I played up, because I was bullied and picked on by the students and some of the teachers.

"I just couldn’t seem to get anything right. The girls, in particular, were nasty toward me - they used to reject me from their groups. In the playground, they said hateful things and made me feel ugly and worthless."

Trouble

It got to the point where no one was listening to me, not even my parents believed me about the bullying I was experiencing.

"I acted up and took my revenge when I could. This only earned me more isolation and trouble - nobody could handle me and I didn’t know how to cope."

All through primary school, I hung out more with the boys, ‘cause I knew they would back me up against the bullying from the girls.

"At college, the bullying continued and my unhappiness and difficulty in the classroom got worse. I started to rebel against my parents and against all authority."

I hung around with the other kids like me; the ones who didn’t fit in. We experimented with drugs and alcohol and I’d often be at school intoxicated, with one substance or another.

My Metal and Wood-Work teacher was good to me, I remember he would allow me extra time in the workshop to work on projects; his class and Sport were the only things that kept me at school. I stayed until the end of 5th form (year 11) and then I was out.

"The influence of drugs and alcohol led me to some very dark places - I was close to becoming an alcoholic. I got myself into some risky relationships and I was dependent on substances for my peace and confidence."

Depression, Anxiety and Suicide

I was unable to stand up for myself – even as a young adult. Depression plagued me and I got really low while I was in Dunedin in 2003.

"My years of suffering from depression and anxiety were terrible, I couldn’t cope with the intensity of my feelings or the loneliness I felt."

I didn’t have many friends, and the ones I did have, didn’t know how to care for me or show me support. I ended up in the Mental Health ward in Dunedin Hospital for three weeks.

"After I was discharged, I moved back to Wellington to live, but the depression and anxiety still affected my daily life. I was deeply unhappy and mentally unwell."

My dog, Evee, was a special friend to me through all this time; she was very loyal and could tell if I was having a bad time. I believe Evee saved my life on quite a few occasions. There was no way I was going to hurt her, so I reduced my risk taking around her.

In 2003, I joined a womens’ softball team in Wellington, called Amazons - all of us were from the LGBT community. I found friendship and companionship within this team that I hadn’t known throughout my growing up.

"It was at this time that the Labour government was getting set to pass the Civil Union Bill in Parliament. We knew all about the Bill and were excited about what it would mean for the couples in our community."

We knew there would be a protest against the Bill and we wanted to stop their voice from being heard. I knew Destiny Church and Brian Tamaki would be leading the protest march and had a serious hatred for them. A lot of my friends in the LGBT community shared my hatred.

My friends and I gathered as a crowd on the day of the protest and waited for them. We were armed with eggs, flour bombs, rotten tomatoes and other stuff we could throw.

In 2015, I tried to take my life on many occasions, due to a lot of self-hate, and bullying at work. I had a lot of dark thoughts about death. I lost all hope after one of my best friends committed suicide.

I never saw any of the warning signs and never knew she was feeling that way. I felt so guilty. I thought, “what’s the point to stay alive anymore? I ended up back in the Mental Health system in October, after an attempt to take my life.

I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act - meaning that I couldn’t be trusted to take care of myself and was constantly being monitored. They could take me and lock me up in the ward if I posed a threat to myself or others.

The Power of Legacy

Fast forward to 2017, I received a text from a friend telling me about a sisterhood programme starting in Porirua called Legacy.

"I genuinely wanted to know what the Legacy Sisterhood was about. Legacy was something I needed to do at that time of my life - it was good having a positive group of people around me. As I continued to go along, and slowly opened up, a lot of hurt was coming out."

I still had a deep hatred toward Brian Tamaki and Destiny Church - but after attending Legacy for a while, and realising that the group wasn’t all that bad, I decided to check out the Church.

The service was overwhelming - I hated to be hugged, and everyone I met wanted to give me a hug - which scared me. But over a couple of weeks, I noticed how happy and genuinely friendly everyone was. People were real; it felt like a family and not just a Church. Everyone was so approachable and because of this, I gave my life over to God.

"I remember the first time I met Bishop Brian and Pastor Hannah, it was when they came down to Lower Hutt for a weekend in early 2018. I was invited to sit at their table and after talking with them, my opinion of them began to change. I realised how real and down to earth they actually are."

I gained a better understanding about the authority and responsibility they have from God - to care for this movement and its people. I totally respect them for that and respect what they do - I don’t hate them anymore.

Positive, Lasting Change

2018 was a huge year for me - I was discharged from the Mental Health System and built my self-esteem and confidence back up. I don’t hate myself any longer. I also began to facilitate Legacy in Porirua. I know that I still have things in my future to conquer, but now I just say, “bring it on!”

"I have been able to grow some great friendships that have stood the test of hard times. I have a purpose in life now, and I’m guiding others to discover their purpose through Legacy."

I want to let them know there is hope, that this (right now) is just a small part of their journey in life and there are better things for them out there.

I know that nobody is beyond the reach of change. I will always accept anyone into my Legacy group, whatever their culture, religion or lifestyle. I want to see women set free from whatever is holding them back from being their true self.

"LGBT is a lifestyle but also a label, like Depression, Addiction and Mental Health. We all need to see past these things, we are all human first, we have to learn to see the person, not the label society gives us."

I was once so hateful toward Destiny Church and its leaders, now I realise the amazing work we are all doing together. I have been a member of Destiny Church for nearly two years now, with no regrets.

"I have a heart for the lost and forgotten, also for those who have been put in the “too-hard” basket."

I am a voice for those that don’t fit the boxes of society - to push through the walls of stereotype, stigma and limitations.

"Legacy provides a space for woman from all walks of life, culture or experience to talk freely and openly about the stuff that they are going through or have survived.We can take steps forward together, learn through our mistakes and praise each other for our achievements."

Legacy is just the beginning - Iwi Tapu offers the wrap around community and support to continue. I am a member of the Tu Tangata Riders and love the work of Man Up and Legacy throughout New Zealand and Australia.

This is Te Manu Heke's story.

“I was just another broken child in a broken generational cycle of poverty and pain.”

I grew up, in and out of Respite Care, and spent time in a Boys’ home in the Hawkes Bay. I never experienced living with two parents. I was raised by a solo Mum, who did her best to raise five children on her own.

By sixteen, I was a Dad myself. I tried my best but having no knowledge of how to be a partner, let alone a father - it was a lot of guessing.

“I always thought I’d make a ‘meke’ father and partner, but how wrong I was! Due to my past and dysfunctions, I was quick to lose it when things went out of my control.”

My partner and I were always fighting – physically, mentally, verbally. I have the criminal record to prove it.

“We never had much money. I’d always be borrowing – going into debt, making sure I could still have a good time on the weed and alcohol even if it meant bad credit with friends and family.”

I could never seem to get ahead or away from the pressures of my past or my current dysfunction. It took a toll on me, my partner and our two young children.

Affirmed.

At the start of my process to get help, to overcome my past and all the hurt I felt at not having a father, was Bishop Brian Tamaki - a man that showed me how to do and be the things I aspired to be.

“He teaches me how to know and love Jesus, to be healed inside and to be secure in my identity – through him, I know how to be the best version of me. “

My wife is a good lady. She saw my potential and always knew there was better for us if I got myself right. We got married in 2010 and celebrate our ninth anniversary this year.

“Through my faith in Jesus, and the ministry of Destiny Church, my family and I have been transformed. Not only me, but my mum, my siblings and their families too.“

I have overcome so much in nine years – my family is happy, I’m earning well and always have enough. I have love and support around me to help us get through any tough challenge. I lead Man Up and my wife leads Legacy. I lead praise and worship with the Sound of Destiny family.

“My greatest truth is my transformed life, my experience is my authority – I once was this, but this is who I am now.”

I love being able to meet people where they are at and to offer them hope and direction toward a better and more fulfilling life. My wife and I love our church, our Apostle and his family.

“If he hadn’t of believed in Jesus all those years ago and continued to stand firm in his convictions, I know I would still be stuck in my old ways, repeating a cycle of ‘can’t’ and hopelessness.”

I am a life that has been changed by the work of Apostle Brian Tamaki and Destiny Church.

Tu Tangata!

This is the story of Grant Douglas.

Memories have Teeth

My memory of my father was when he made me stand in the garage and watch him put a shotgun to his head; then he blew himself away.

I remember the smell of the shot and the sight of his body. There was so much blood. I was only five years old. I was very sad after that. I’ve never understood why he done it. I think that’s why my life turned the way it did.

I often wonder if my life would’ve turned out any different if he had stayed.

Marijuana.

When I was 13, I had my first puff of marijuana – I was hooked. That first puff led to more drug taking, different drugs, different strands and taken in more extreme ways. I was getting paid for my work, and after paying Mum board, the rest would go on my drug and alcohol habit.

Over the 36 years of my addiction, I would’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars, easy.

I met my wife at 19. We got married and started our family straight away. I think of my wife as an angel, she wasn’t a drug addict when I met her, but I enticed her one night – “here, have a toke on this.” Next minute, we’re all hooked.

Addiction and Crime.

My wife and I would take our drugs in the house and hide it from our kids when they were young. When they were in their teenage years, they followed our example and began taking drugs too.

I used to buy my kids drugs, they had no money ‘cause they were all at school, so I would be their supplier.

I think that’s the only way I could show them love – supply and feed them on drugs, that’s the only way I thought I could make my kids love me.

We’d gather round the table most nights and have a smoke together. I taught my kids how to do drugs - it was what we did.

The Government in their wisdom, allowed synthetic marijuana onto the market, and in the beginning, it was sold in the local dairies and garages. Once I had a hit of synthetics, I was hooked and introduced it to my family We could go through three ounces a day at least.

As a family, we were all about finding money for our next hit. We stole meat and alcohol to sell to the gangs, in order to support our habit. We were happy in our criminal activity, and proud of our grabs and ability to steal without getting caught. We had no fear.

We were hungry but we’d rather go and buy a bag. We started using our rent money, our kai money and we ended up about $3000 in debt in our rent payments at one stage.

The drugs would make us violent and fight each other… We had no filter and would bash each other over meaningless things.

I lost the tip of my finger due to a bite from my daughter!

Enough is Enough.

The turning point to all this crime and addiction was my wife. My wife had had enough – enough of the struggle, poverty and domestic abuse. After 30 years together, she made a stand for herself.

It was Christmas 2016, we’d come home from my sister’s place. Her and I just lost it – we bashed each other with patu. We were bleeding, there was blood everywhere. My wife was taken away in the back of a police car because my Mum had rung the police and got her trespassed.

She stayed with my sister that night, and then moved to her sister’s the next day. By 10 am that morning, she was in Destiny Church. I initially thought it was great that my wife wasn’t around, but then I came to my senses.

One Sunday, I got up and phoned her to say I was coming to church with her. That was the start of our new journey in life.

Heal the Man – Heal the Family.

Man Up saved my life. I was still addicted, stubborn and proud in my dysfunctions when I went along to a group, but the programme and facilitator confronted me on every dysfunction, I softened and began to change my habits.

I did 4 rotations of Man Up because I was learning something new all the time. After 36 years of addiction, I quit taking drugs and alcohol.

Man Up works! Man Up and Destiny Church have blessed my life and led me to change and to forgive myself. My children have watched and followed my example and have also forgiven me.

I’m proud of what I’ve come through. I’ve realized that the greatest tool I have is my story and the proof of my changed life. My wife and I know how to talk and communicate now. No more fights with patu!

My wife and children are all over 12 months clean from drugs. My kids are in legit jobs and I’m a proud father now. I’ve got money spare on a weekend!

I’m a beautiful man now, I have people coming up to me in the street and shaking my hand to say thanks and that they’re glad to know me. I’m actually a facilitator in Man Up, helping other men face and overcome the dysfunctions they’ve come through in their lives

Yeah, I think I’m pretty special now and I’m just so happy to have my family and my wife all as one.”

If you can change the man, you can change the whole family, and in my case, that’s just what I’ve done.

I am Billy #kingkorewha. I am a game changer.

How it was

I come from gangsters. I’m named after my Dad. He was a founding member of one of the first Black Power chapters in the Pukekohe area in the 1970’s.

My childhood was lonely – I had five older brothers and one sister and was raised by a single Mum. My siblings were mostly gone by the time I was ten. Two of my older brothers both became patched members and I followed suit. I was a menace to society. It was like our culture; we were raised in it - the raised fist.

I had nobody to guide, or direct me in my life, or in how to stay positive. Mum tried to introduce us to church but wasn’t consistent. Life was tough. I had to teach myself how to be streetwise, how to cook and live at home and care for myself.

When I was about six or seven years old, we were on a holiday at my Nana’s homestead. Dad was living there too. I remember me and three of my brothers in my Dad’s bedroom. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I wondered why he would have his pants down. I was told later that he was molesting my brothers and I saw it happen. This experience and knowledge caused me a long struggle with sexual perversion, toward myself, my partner and in how I treated other women.

I got introduced to alcohol and drugs early in my life. I met my wife during this time too. We lived the “Once were Warriors” life for twenty years. I was ‘Jake the Muss’ to her. We had all the bad stuff going on. You name it, we were doing it; sexual perversion, alcohol, drugs, violence, crime.

I was on crack, hard. Twenty years addicted to the stuff. I had to have it. P took a lot of my life. I would hustle on the street for it. I was so desperate one night, I spent $500 on a hit - that was our food money and I knew I had done a dumb thing.

The Power to Change my Normal.

October 2016 was the start of my change and I stayed committed to Man Up for two years in a row without any breaks! I gave my life to Jesus and got committed to Destiny Church. I was recruited into positive change. I had nothing before, no focus, no identity. Now I know who I am and what my purpose is as a man and as a husband, Dad and Grand-father.

I joined Man Up in Pukekohe, when it was founded by Elder Turei Marshall. On my first night there were 7 of us, I remember Turei’s words – his passion and words cut to the heart of me. “Who’s in? Who wants change? Who wants to smash those demons that are affecting your life and family?”

We had locked arms and I was crying. I remember shouting out, “I wanna change. I’ve had enough.”

I knew I wasn’t doing anything right by my wife or kids or grand-kids.

I came into Man Up because I had heard about it and was interested. I knew I wanted something to change in my life but didn’t know what it was or how to do it. Bishop Brian’s word was powerful and hit me right to the bone.

Before Jesus, all I brought into my life and family was drugs, alcohol, violence, abuse and perversion. I had to change. I believe that all parents must make that stand for their families. If we don’t, our kids are just going to end up with crap!

Staying the Course.

The thing that have helped me stay on the path and to stay connected is God, my Father. One of the tools I’ve learnt from Man Up is commitment – it is key. I have been challenged to stay the course. To be honest, it’s been the hardest walk in my life; but it’s also been the best.

I’ve been tempted many times to back slide into my old ways. But I’ve stayed true to this new life. I’m focused on being a man of God and a man of integrity. I have decided to work on my family, and to focus on staying planted in Destiny Church.

I am two years free from the pipe and violence. I’ve smashed a lot of demons out of my house. I’m married now, to the same partner I’ve been with for twenty years. We have a better life than what we had two years ago.

My own family (brothers and sister and Mum) can’t stand me because I’ve changed my life. Their words and treatment of me hurts, but I will continue to live this truth because I know what has happened in my mind and heart.

What you Let into Your Home Affects the Atmosphere.

I’ve been training myself to pray hard. It’s like doing weights – sets and reps. I pray at least five times a day now as a regular habit. He has blessed me and answered my prayers. When there is a challenge, that comes to upset the positive atmosphere in myself or my home, I go straight to prayer.

I think Bishop Tamaki is the answer to our people in New Zealand. I have a lot of aroha and respect for him. He is my Apostle and I will follow him. His talk is true to the bone. If it wasn’t for him, I would not be a good man or husband or father or grandfather. I love him.

“I owe my life to him. He broke me and he made me again, new. I love him for that.”

If you want help or even if you don’t even know you need help, you must try the Man Up programme. It has the tools to teach you to be a better person for all those that depend on you. The programme works. Make the stand. what you let into your home, affects the atmosphere.

There’s a cause and purpose for your life, you are important. Plant, connect and commit yourself to God and the house of God. Kia Ora. Kia Kaha. Tu Tangata.

Marijuana.

I remember when I was young, noticing how Mum and Dad would take themselves away after dinner time. They’d go down to the wash house and close the hallway door; we weren’t allowed to go down there.

“I remember being in 3rd form, and wagging school one day to go and get stoned with my friends”.

I realised that my Mum and Dad were using too, ‘cause I recognized the same behaviour and bloodshot eyes. I decided to use this knowledge to my advantage - you know, if it’s alright for them then it’s alright for me.

Dad would leave me a little on the windowsill, without Mum knowing. My younger brother joined in too, and we’d do it with Dad - 1 or 2 spots each.

“Dad would buy it for us while we were still in school. But when we started earning our own money, he told us to chip in and start buying our own.”

I smoked marijuana from when I was 14 to 19 - after that, I was addicted to Meth and Synthetics.

Addiction.

I was 18 when I gave birth to my first baby. I had stopped drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes while I was pregnant, but I just couldn’t stop smoking dope. I always wanted to stop but I just couldn’t.

By the age of 19, I had my second child. My partner was on Meth, so I started taking it too;

“Whatever was going, y’know. I was after the high, however I could get it.”

My partner and I separated for a time and I ended up getting pregnant to another man. When I was 3 months pregnant, I experienced these abnormal back cramps and pain. My neighbour rung the ambulance and I was taken to hospital. I found out I was actually pregnant with twins, but one baby was ectopic (growing in my fallopian tube) and needed to be removed through surgery.

“I sorta try to block that part out because it was a real rough time for me. I think that’s when I really started drinking and smoking heavily.”

My third baby was born 6 days overdue, and in trouble – there was no water in his sac, and I hemorrhaged. And, because of the earlier ectopic pregnancy, I had to give birth to 2 placentas - one had life in it, but the other one was dead and just black.

Seeing those two placentas, and knowing I was probably to blame because of my addictions, made me feel broken. I didn’t want to face it and so I continued to take P – increasing my use rather than stopping.

Out of Control

I was heavily addicted to Synthetics when I got pregnant with my fourth baby.

“By then, I was hardcore and most of my money would go on Synthetics”

I’d always have food parcels so that I didn’t have to spend that much money on groceries - I needed the money so I could smoke it.

“I wasn’t really eating, or feeding the kids properly - my children were losing out on food.”

It just got worse and worse.

Child, Youth and Family Protection Services were investigating me because of reports to them from the kids’ school. I hid from them. I knew I was doing wrong, but the pull of my addiction was too strong.

Mum and Dad had moved to South Auckland, I knew they were trying to make positive changes in their lives, so when Mum wanted to take my kids to her house to live, I agreed. My mentality was - less mouths I have to feed – more money for drugs.

“My kids didn’t want to stay with me ‘cause of the things that I was doing. There wasn’t much I could do, they just didn’t want to be with me anymore.”

My younger sister and brothers moved in with me and we were selling from our house. We would steal to get money for our drugs and sell to others. It wasn’t hard to know what was going on. There were people coming and going from our place all hours of the day and night.

“The police raided my house one day after the kids had left to stay with Mum, and we were all arrested, the whole household.”

After the arrest, we all just continued as normal, like the raid hadn’t even happened!

I was missing my kids and was depressed, I had no reason to carry on; I was just waking up to get stoned. Dad would still come over when he was working out West, to check on us, to make sure we were still alive, I guess!

Rescue

Mum and Dad invited me home to visit the kids after about 2 months, it was my third child’s birthday. I remember not wanting to go, ‘cause I needed the drugs.

I was so happy to see my kids, they looked healthy, clean and fed. I felt loved from them. They said to me,

“Y’know Mumm, you gotta stop smoking otherwise...we not allowed to come back…”

That’s what did it for me, seeing them and hearing their sweet voices telling me to stop the drugs. Mum told me, that I could stay but she had two rules: “You gotta go to Legacy, and you gotta go to church.”

Game Changer.

Legacy and Destiny Church were my game changers; they helped me see myself as who I was always meant to be.

I walked into Legacy about a month after being with Mum. The first question was, “what does heaviness mean to you?” I spoke about my partner and how he was in and out of prison, leaving us and not really looking after us like my Dad did. I’d not really spoken to anybody before, about how I didn’t feel worth much and the mistakes I’d made in my life, about how I felt really horrible inside.

“I cried the whole session! I’m thinking ‘what the heck is this? I’m crying!’ “

But it was OK, for some reason, I felt a bit lighter.

Forgiveness

I forgave my partner in the car on the way home from my first Legacy session. I knew that I’d forgiven him, because I was no longer angry at him, I actually started to feel sorry for him. I wanted change for him.

“I have my children now, I have me now. I love myself.”

I’m happy within myself, happy with my life. I’m in a much better place with myself and accomplishing so many things that I didn’t think that I could ever do – like stop my addiction, be part of church, hold a job, go to University and to be a good mother.

I’m facilitating a Legacy group in the same area where I used to live and sell drugs. I’m giving this new life 150%.

Stoked.

I still find myself overwhelmed with this new life – like joyfully overwhelmed and thankful.

I’m stoked.

In Rachael Taylor's opinion, Oranga Tamariki is a corrupt system, "they have no soul. No mana. No integrity in what they do."

This is her story.

Trauma.

My time in the system began December 21, 2016 when my three children were forcibly uplifted from my care. The experience was traumatic and confusing. My children were clinging to my legs and crying – the police were trying to lift them off me. I was told to convince my kids not to make a fuss, that I would be arrested for obstruction of justice if I made it difficult. I relented and let them take my kids – trying to calm them as much as I could. Powerless to do any different.

I wasn’t even allowed to pack their clothes or stuff – they were just taken away in the clothes on their backs. I didn’t know my rights or the process of how to appeal.

It was a week before we had our first meeting to discuss any plans. I wasn’t allowed to organise a family alternative or to have any knowledge of where my children would be placed. At that first meeting, there was one lady who spoke in support of us; she couldn’t see why the kids needed to be uplifted, there was no record of neglect or any discussion about our case prior to the event.

As I see it, my kids were taken and then a case was made against us. They created their reports based on heresy, there was flimsy evidence to their claims and in some cases none - in fact accusations of our son being behind and truant at school were lies – I showed them the mid-year and end of year report sheets to prove his academic progress and attendance – he had been given an A grade. My documents were not allowed into their report – they refused to acknowledge them.

Don’t get me wrong, I was no saint – there were issues in my life and relationships that weren’t healthy, but my kids were not neglected or abused.

My children were fed and clothed and in school. I had family support. My husband was in permanent employment and I was training to be a chef. I owned my mistakes and was honest about my dysfunction.

Intimidated. Ignored. Marginalised.

Over my four years in the system, I was talked down to, patronised, lied about, intimidated, ignored, manipulated and marginalised. I was not supported or affirmed in any steps I made to meet their demands. In fact, efforts I made to improve my situation were either not acknowledged or dismissed.

Reviews to our plan were stalled, test (hair follicle) results held up, and positive changes in me and my partner’s life ignored.

We were handled by over fourteen different case workers during our time in the system – none of which knew us, or even tried to build a relationship with us.

They just read off their papers, they looked at me but didn’t see me. I was already judged guilty and incapable of change – stereotyped as an alcoholic, a troublemaker and a ‘dumb maori’; I was expected to give up and to fail.

I was expected to bow to them ‘cause they were the government and had all the power. I was always reminded of my faults and failings; I was never offered any hope of restoration with my children – all their efforts were on keeping us apart.

Where is the Accountability?

Two months into the state care of my children, they ran away. My son helped his sisters over the back fence and into the neighbour’s property. They were able to get hold of us and the neighbour drove them to our home.

My son had bruises all over him from being beaten with a hammer and they told us about being starved.

When Oranga Tamariki staff phoned us to demand the children go back into care, I flatly refused. They said there was no evidence to prove the stories the kids were saying were true. I was told that my kids were making it up just to come home. “It’s what kids do, they’re making it all up. They can’t stay with you Rachael, you’re an unfit mother. They have to go back into care.”

As far as I know, there was no formal investigation into the caregivers that had my kids.

An extended family member stepped up and offered to take our children to live with her and her husband. This arrangement was agreed to by Oranga Tamariki and continued for another 2 years. We were allowed supervised visits once a month.

I had to have a hair follicle test during this time, and a case worker from Oranga Tamariki came looking for my partner – she wanted to make a deal with him. The deal she presented was that if he left me, then she would arrange for the children to return to his care. He told her, No Deal.

Despite the proactive and positive choices we were making, Oranga Tamakiri caseworkers kept rehashing our past and refusing to acknowledge our changed situation and lifestyle.

Instead, they were busy convincing the kids that they would be better off without us and should choose to stay at the new Caregiver's home permanently. I remember there was on FGC, where my kids were instructed to read a letter to me, as each of them read their letters, I could tell things weren’t right - the words were all the same, and the kids wouldn’t look at me, they kept their heads lowered and looked nervously at the case worker who was prompting them. Their letters stated that they wanted to stay at the Caregiver's and that they didn’t believe I was able to change to look after them.

We had reached a stalemate. Nothing we had done was changing the mind of Oranga Tamariki and it was apparent that our children were not ever going to be allowed to come home to us.

It was during one of our visits with the kids, we had been to church and were having lunch together in a park, that the girls broke down in tears; their brother was telling them to, “stop it, shush, you’ll get us into trouble.”

We encouraged them not to be afraid and to tell us the truth, to let out what was making them sad. The girls shared, in sobbing, broken voices, that they had been sexually touched by an older boy in the home. We were stunned. Our babies! We needed to keep fighting to get them home to us.

The Caregiver's denied the treatment of our kids and were planning to move out of Auckland, and were going to take our kids with them. Despite the revelation of the sexual touching to our daughters and the toxic environment within the house, and despite the children’s lawyer recommending a transition period to return our kids to our care - Oranga Tamariki still believed the best decision was to permanently rehome our children.

We were desperate.

The Difference of Man Up and Legacy.

Eight months into my children being uplifted, my partner and I came into Man Up and Legacy (through my brother and his partner).

These programmes were literally game changers for us. We had never come across anything as positive and as genuine as Man Up and Legacy.

We faced our relationship and lifestyle dysfunctions and started to drop our habits and old ways. We become very determined to get our children back into our care and to prove ourselves as fit parents to Oranga Tamariki. We became Christians and connected ourselves to Destiny Church. The leaders we met in this church were loyal to us and gave us honest and practical help to continue in the changes we wanted to make.

We dropped our alcohol and Meth addictions. We worked on our relationship and got married. We completed all the recommended courses prescribed by Oranga Tamariki plus extra programmes offered by Destiny Church. We paid off our debts and removed ourselves from negative associations.

Our Man Up and Legacy leaders came with us to the final FGC prior to the intended move to another city, the situation was really grim - without an agreement from Oranga Tamariki to prevent the Caregivers from moving out of Auckland, we were going to lose our kids.

That’s when our leaders stepped up to look after our children and facilitate the transition process. They pulled their trump card of being social workers and suddenly, the situation turned in our favour.

It was an incredible turn of events that had taken four years of fighting to get to this point. Within 6 months of progressive transition, our children were back in our care permanently and our case closed. We are restored.

I am a Voice for the Voiceless.

I am a Legacy facilitator myself now and have supported numerous other mothers and fathers fighting the system to prove themselves as changed in order to get their children returned to their care.

What makes me frustrated and angry is the systemic racism and stereotyping within Oranga Tamariki – the way Maori families are discriminated against, the way that children are removed from families without due process or care. The refusal to acknowledge positive change; instead tying people to their past mistakes with no recourse to prove otherwise.

I’m angry at the intimidation tactics used on our ladies to prevent them from having hope or believing that they are worth more or can have better. The system wants to prove them as quitters and losers. The system is set up to separate kids from parents and to keep adults in their dysfunction, they are not interested in the welfare of children or in restoring families.

I want to call them out on their review processes and diligence to check the safety of the homes children are placed into.

I want to make them accountable for their decisions, false reports and stall tactics. I am just one of thousands affected by family separation through the government funded programmes and interventions.

I have broken the cycle for my family, and I want to help others to do the same. We deserve more, we deserve better.

Tu Tangata! Rise Up - Stand Tall, Stand Strong.

The story of Isabelle Apulu.

My earliest memory is standing alone, staring at a window, wearing nothing but a nappy. I had been taken by my birth mother and placed into a Church run children’s home in Manurewa when I was 3 years old. I stayed at the home until I was 7.

I was a lost child in the NZ government system, lonely and afraid– it was very much “sink or swim”.

I was just another mouth to feed, another child in the crowd.

Between the ages of 7-14, I was living in a permanent foster home. I am Maori- Cook Island and the foster family was European. My foster mother was good to me, she introduced me to Jesus and showed me love.

I felt like I didn’t belong

Devastatingly, during these years, I was repeatedly sexually abused by my foster father.

By 15 years old, I had dropped out of school and moved in with my boyfriend. I had no idea of my worth or who I was. I was lost.

My behaviour, and the people around me reflected and reinforced my low self-image

I had no stability or respect for authority. I was drinking alcohol and taking drugs. Living in Auckland, Whangerei and Blenheim.

Party, party, party.

I remember being stoned one night, and a vivid dream of hell scared me so much that the next day, I had packed up and left, running to my foster mum in Otorohanga, she was my only real reference of normality; but in her situation of divorce and young kids, she could not cope with herself, let alone me and my trouble.

My Aunty was going to a church in the area, and she took me along with her, it was there that I met the pastors of the church, who eventually became my whangai family. From them, I finally met stability and saw love in action. I saw a healthy marriage and relationships with children, boundaries and safety.

It was my first real experience of Jesus and his unconditional love.

I first heard Bishop Tamaki speak when he came to preach at my church in Brisbane. I remember the way he spoke was so straight and true. With the help and love of my whangai parents, I began to find stability and healing. It was through their encouragement that I discovered my talent and love for singing and worship.

I met and married my first husband in Brisbane, but unfortunately it became apparent that all was not good. This was an excruciating and heart-breaking time for me. I divorced him and ran.

I ran away from God, away from church, away from my family. I was the lost little girl once again.

I ran hard, back to all my old habits. One evening in McDonalds, when I was rolling drunk, I came across Bishop and his family having dinner. I went up to their table and tearfully told them I loved and missed them. Hannah gave me her warm smile and a hug “You’ll be back, Izzy” is all she said.

I stayed away 6 years, but after meeting and getting married to my now husband, I knew in my heart that the combination of our individual pain and dysfunction would one day break us apart.

My whangai parents had transitioned into Destiny Church by this time and because the only truth and stability I had ever experienced had been with them and in Destiny Church, that is where we went. “It works” was my only rationale to my husband.

I knew my father’s voice. I knew it was only Bishop’s word that could fix us and keep us fixed.

It was like a magnet.

Bishop Brian and Hannah welcomed me and validated me. I was drawn back because of their love for me and non-judgement for my choices. They showed me Jesus through everything they said and did.

My husband and I are transformed! We are Generals for Man Up and Legacy in Mangere, and it is in this work that we realise the significance of our past.

We have healed our lives and are now able to heal others. We are now stable and are able to offer a hand up to others who have been in similar situations to ourselves. We are now the straight path, truth and light.

My kids are living the dream!

I’m so grateful to God for rescuing me and bringing key people across my path at just the right moments. He truly is a good father. I get teary when I think of the awesome potential and possibility for my three children. They are living what I could only dream of at their age

I have walked through hell and now stand in victory!

Now, as I stand on the stage in the Sound of Destiny team to lead our church into praise and worship on Sundays, I am very aware that Bishop’s word intensifies as I sing. The words are a declaration. I have walked through hell and now stand in victory – my voice raised in song declares this truth.

This is Tiffany Lowrie's Story.

Before Destiny

I lived my life in shallow conversations and dressed myself and my family in money and success. Appearances were very important to me and I didn’t like weakness in myself.

I deliberately hid my hurt and dysfunction and used to blame God for every wrong thing in the world. It was never me – always everyone else’s fault.

My Catholic upbringing and schooling led me to believe that God was not very interested in everyday life. My parents taught me self-discipline, to work hard and get a good education. Church to me was ritual and routine.

I knew there was something good in it all, but I just couldn’t connect.

I do remember praying to God, mostly I was angry at him and blamed him for all the disappointments, hurt and wrong. I wanted him to fix the problems I saw in the world.

Why God? Why?!

My parents’ divorce shook me, and I questioned the importance of getting married at all - Why? My young cousin was killed tragically in a car accident - Why? I was sexually molested by a family member and then kept it a secret - Why? My relationships failed and I was betrayed - Why?

I ranted and raged at God, believing him to be unable to help, and distant to the real-world problems that my family and I were going through.

Change was Coming

My partner was an alcoholic. We were a blended family with three young children, living together in a de-facto relationship. We had a successful but stressful business, and we were on a fast spiral down. Addiction. Denial. Dysfunction.

We were the great pretenders, dressed up by success and money. We were outwardly awesome but inwardly falling apart.

My husband rang the church number, listed on the website, and the receptionist answered. She encouraged us to come to church and make our decisions after that.

He was the instigator of us coming to Destiny church. I remember the songs we sung on our first Sunday, they still grab my heart today.

“My children will know you and walk in your ways.”

I knew two things very clearly that morning:

My husband and I had no hope of fixing ourselves or securing our children’s future on our own, andthat in this church, I was going to be able to live the reality of that song.

Mark connected with the preaching and it was a done deal. Destiny was the real to our fake and we chose to commit and connect to people who could help us heal from the inside out.

We stayed.

Bishop Brian and Pastor Hannah are amazing! They just don’t give up….ever! I respect their honesty and how loving they are to everyone. I know they believe in us.

They are the reason Mark and I decided to marry. I love that they are hard out and unashamed. There is no way we would be as we are without their leadership or example.

Man Up and Legacy

In the past I wouldn’t have been bothered with people and their issues, I would’ve felt they deserved the life they had. But I know better now.

This is our purpose. It’s real. It is life changing.

The difference in me because of Legacy is massive – I am integral. Unshakable. Peaceful and calm – the opposite to how I used to be. I’m no longer worried about my future.

Things that caused me worry like health, money and raising kids, don’t stress or panic me anymore. I’m sure and confident now; patient and graceful. I trust my husband and I trust my church.

My husband and I are senior captains in ManUp and Legacy in Beach Haven on the North Shore. There are so many people that have things to overcome, and I can help. I have the answer. I am secure in me.

My Advice:

Stop hiding! Get saved, get baptised and stay.

Be obedient and submit. Allow change to happen – don’t hold onto dysfunction, it’s not your friend.

It’s simple really!

This is the story of Mark Lowrie.

I can still remember the sound of my Stepfather’s fist smashing into my mother’s face. I can still hear the cries and screams. My heart still beats faster when I remember having to hide and care for my younger siblings while Mum and Dad fought.

Domestic abuse and violence were part of normal life in my home and in my neighbourhood.

The Police would be on our streets almost every night breaking up fights, but nothing would change, the adults would be back at it the next day.

I lost respect for the Police, I grew to hate and distrust them.

I was brought up in Highbury, Palmerston North; we were known as the Highbury Hoods by all the locals. Our colours were red and we were all known by Police.

I am the eldest of 6 children, my father left when I was 3 and I was raised by my Stepfather and mother.

There was always loud shouting and swearing in our home. Mum and Dad would argue loudly and nearly always, he would beat her face and body with his fists.

I would hide with my brothers and sisters. I would try and keep everyone calm, even though I was scared myself. My Mum would carry on as if nothing had happened, she never got any help.

It was just the way it was. I grew to be angry, hard, and rebellious.

Angry.

I went to 3 different primary schools because I kept getting expelled due to my aggressive and violent behaviour toward other students and the teachers.

At Intermediate School, the teachers helped me focus in on what I was good at – Sport and Athletics, but my time at school was still tough. I couldn’t read or write and fell far behind in any academic learning.

I was placed with the ‘no-hope’ kids and basically forgotten about. Whatever attempts I made were never enough and I grew sullen and angry.

Sport and Athletics were my refuge and I excelled. I had significant coaches who saw my skill and put me into training and development programmes. I played Rugby and represented my age group and region for Softball and Athletics (Pentathlon).

Dad coached me through my Rugby, from Primary school to Intermediate, he and Mum would come to different tournaments with me, I loved this time with them, I knew it was a sacrifice for them in terms of money and time, but they supported me.

Making My Own Way.

My parents got me into the all boy’s college across town, but I couldn’t cope in the classroom and basically kept to myself – although if there was ever any trouble, you can bet I’d be in on it!

I left school at 14 and began labouring for a local construction contractor from our area. He was a good, kind man and hired a lot of the boys from our neighbourhood.

I was a good worker and learnt a lot of building and construction type skills. I am forever grateful to ‘Mr H’ for start he gave me into work. He has since died, but I recently visited his wife and children to say thank you.

My parents taught me how to save for the things I wanted, so I was putting aside money for a car, but most of my money went on alcohol and drugs.

Consequences.

I would spend my days labouring in construction, drinking, taking drugs, and fighting. I fought a lot, mostly with the boys from our hood and the neighbouring housing areas. Most nights I’d be racing in the streets with the other Boy-Racers.

I was smoking weed and sniffing aerosols. Me and my mates would ‘sniff’ basically all day.

I ‘sniffed’ for 4 years – it affected my ability to speak, I couldn’t even put a sentence together!

One night, me and my friends were racing in the Square and I got into a fight with a much bigger boy. The Police were called and me and my mates were arrested. I fought the police and was convicted on assault of a Police Officer.

I pleaded guilty at sentencing and was sent to Linton Prison for 6 months. I was 18 years old.

On my first day in Prison, I got into a fight in the yard, and was put into medium security and isolation while I went through detox.

This was a very dark time; every freedom I had had was stripped away and I was left with nothing. I couldn’t speak well or even write a letter!

I was on 23 hr lock down and I felt like I was loosing my mind.

Depression.

When I was released from Linton. I was very quiet; my mental health was at an all-time low.

I couldn’t look at people or even leave my caravan. I’d spend my days alone and drinking. I couldn’t hold down a job. When my parents moved to Wainui, in Wellington, I did too. I started hearing voices, and got really paranoid and schizophrenic,

I couldn’t sleep or eat. Mum and Dad did what they could for me, but I wouldn’t talk to them. I was stuck.

One Sunday afternoon, a very random event happened that would change my life. I heard a knock on my caravan door, and when I opened it, I was met with a well-dressed white couple who introduced themselves as Heinz and June, they were Christians and invited me to go with them to Church that afternoon.

The Church was in Naenae, but I went with them and just sat there stunned, I didn’t know what the heck was going on.

I had never before known anything like Church.

As the leader spoke, I started sobbing and made my way forward to receive Jesus. It was an incredible experience. I never went back to the church that Heinz and June went to, but I did start going to the one in my area. I asked the leaders to pray for a job for me.

Opportunity.

That night, I got the idea to wash car windows at the lights in the Lower Hutt CBD. You have to understand, for a heavily depressed young man who had hidden in his caravan for most of the last year and couldn’t speak clearly or even make eye contact with people, this was a major deal!

I began working the lights and through that began to pull myself up out of depression. I even made the local papers!

I didn’t continue in church though, there was nothing that convicted me or grabbed my attention, so I slipped back into my old habits and associations. I was ambitious and I started to set myself some goals.

I taught myself to read and to write. I began a property portfolio where I would buy houses to renovate and then re-sell them for profit. I was making a way for myself.

Outwardly, I looked sharp and was successful, but inside I was still dealing with the issues of my boyhood.

Broken.

My first marriage was fuelled by drugs, alcohol, jealousy and abuse. We would always be arguing and shouting, I didn’t want to go home to her.

She had 2 young daughters, and I became their Dad and tried to make sure they were well looked after, but they saw us yelling and screaming at each other, they witnessed our drunken behaviour and hangovers. They also experienced poverty, ‘cause money was always tight.

We would move homes regularly, looking for the next bargain to flip, but this meant there was very little stability for the girls.

I had no accountability to anyone, I was aggressive and confrontational in my personality, I did my own thing and didn’t listen to anyone.

The child we had together, died through miscarriage. We were in trouble and I had no clue how to fix it. My unchecked anger led me to assault my wife and I was arrested and put in Prison. After serving this sentence, I was released and almost straight away got arrested for assault on a Police Officer, I was back to Prison.

My relationship had turned very toxic and my wife had a protection order against me, so the Judge sent me to Auckland to be bailed there. I wasn’t allowed to return to Wellington.

Change.

Two significant things happened after that: My younger sister allowed me to stay with her on bail, and my Probation Officer got me along to different classes and programmes aimed at keeping me out of Prison again.

He gave me an opportunity to prove myself, and I took it.

It was during my time on bail, I met my now wife, she accepted me, my children and my past, she showed me how to love and be loved without insecurity or jealousy. We lived together and had 3 children,

I never hit or verbally abused her, we were successful in business, but the cracks started to show in our relationship because of my drinking and unresolved issues from my past.

I wanted better for my wife and kids, I truly loved and respected them and I knew that the only way I was going to be able to achieve anything great was with God.

It was time to go back to church.

The Difference of Destiny.

I rang the Destiny Church office, I knew of the Church and Bishop Tamaki. I knew he was Maori and that was important to me. I told the receptionist that I needed help. She told me to bring my family to a service that coming Sunday.

We turned up and the Church auditorium wasn’t even completed, it was just a warehouse; concrete floor, exposed rafters, corrugated iron walls – just a shell.

I wasn’t impressed to be honest, but the preached word that Sunday really impacted my life,

I heard God speak to me again, “build my house and I’ll establish you.” I replied in my heart,“Ok.”

The next weekend I was there with my builder’s gear and my chainsaw and got involved – I decided I would do whatever I could do to help build the church, literally.

I’ve always had this drive to win and I recognised it in Bishop Tamaki.

He ‘spoke my language’ and I watched his example of leadership and marriage and of being a man.

My wife and I connected with one of the leadership couples in Church and through their guidance, began to reshape our lives. My wife committed her life to Christ, and I recommitted my life.

We got involved in the Man Up and Legacy progammes and allowed Jesus to heal us from the inside out.

Heal Me, Heal Others.

I have been healed from the trauma of my youth and have forgiven myself and all those who have ever wronged me.

I’m motivated by my kids and the example I am to them. I have learnt to be accountable and to be a better man. I am married with a large blended family, my wife and I are directors of a successful multi-million dollar Telecommunication Company, and we are Generals for Man Up and Legacy in Beach Haven on the North Shore.

I’m no longer drunk, angry or rebellious. I can lead my wife and family with honour and mutual respect.

Everything I am and have now is because of my faith in Jesus and the word of my Apostle. He reinforces my worth and validates me.

The story of Toko Kopu.

I was born and bred in Otara, my mum was a godly woman and did her best to raise me and my 7 brothers and sisters in church, but my Dad was a heavy-handed man and would beat me and my siblings often. One time when I was 8, he beat me over the head with a piece of wood, and when I was 12 he beat me with a hammer to my head. His violence conditioned me for a life in the gangs and I headed to the Mongrel Mob as soon as I could.

I followed my brothers into the Mob when I was 15 in 1976. I took on 5 grown men to win my patch. Just like many other young men, I joined the gang because of the bad treatment or neglect from my Dad.

I worked my way to the top and became Mob President. Life in the gang involved perversion in all it’s forms, violence, drugs, and alcohol and crime. Barking like a Bulldog was a sign of gang loyalty. It was all about who could bark the loudest and bite the hardest. I was one of the best. I used to bark in my sleep, my wife would tell me, “Heel, dog, heel”

Because I had left school so early, my school was the NZ justice system and jail. From the age of 12 I had been raised in Boy’s homes or Youth Detention Centers. Intimidation, violence and abuse was the normal treatment and I was used to it.

As a patched member of the MMM, it was important for me to be the toughest and strongest, weakness wasn’t an option. My anger would come out unchecked after I had been drinking. I was a chronic thief and spent my time pinching cars, shop lifting, committing armed robbery of businesses or banks.

Prison was my normal, I was in and out for 34 years. Doing crime, getting caught and doing the time. As soon as I got out, I was a looking for the next opportunity to get back into prison. There was no teaching for me in jail as to how to improve myself; I was stuck in the mindset of how to make money through the gangs. I’ve been on Police ‘dangerous threat’ watch lists and spent over 40 years of my life in the justice system.

I was working as a security guard at a local pub in Mangere in 1982 when I met my wife, she was the younger sister to my brother’s partner. I won her over through my confidence and charm but after initial happiness together, my ugly came out in full force, I was under pressure in the gangs and was drinking heavily.

On the drink I became very violent and would beat my wife for no reason at all other than she was there.

She would fight back and threaten to leave me, but I would always find her and made her swear that she wouldn’t tell anyone. I threatened to hurt her family or to burn down her family home. It was really a Once were Warriors type of life. I was Jake the Muss and craved the reputation, not even my brothers in the gang could stop me when I was in a rage.

I remember one time I had beaten her so bad that she blacked out, I had broken her collarbone and dislocated her elbow. I felt such hatred for myself; I was so sorry I had hurt her. I tried to clean her up as best I could, even made her breakfast, but the way she looked at me that morning told me she hated me. She had had enough and was going to leave me.

That frightened me, ‘cause I didn’t want to be alone. I persuaded her to marry me. Our ceremony took place in Paremoremo Maxi Prison in 1985, 6 of my gang mates from the cells came to witness. My daughter was born while I was in prison, I missed the first 8 years of her life.

When the Mob began to get into running P, I started earning ‘mega bucks’. I was heavily addicted – both to taking Meth and to selling it. It got really ugly in our gang meetings, all the brothers high and paranoid. Some of my friends died.

2010 was my last lag, and at the end of that I had decided I needed to look for a change. I had taken my daughter into the same mess I was in, drug running, crime and gangs. She despised me because of what I had taken her and her Mum through.

My turning point was when I was introduced to Man Up, I was coming off a high, my wife and her friend told me about the programme, and I went along. It turns out the couple that were running this group were the same couple I had patched into the Rotorua Mob some 10 years ago!

I saw a lot of other men like me or who had been like me, I wanted that change.

When the call came to respond, I was up there quick. I wanted positive. I started going regularly and allowed myself to change. My relationship with my wife and daughter has been restored, I’m over 2 years free from drugs and alcohol.

Man Up helped me break free from the prison cycle.

I don’t even think of how to do crime anymore. I also got connected to Jesus through Destiny Church and I’ve never looked back. He is my weapon of choice now – prayer is my power. It’s a fight, in some ways its harder than in the gangs, cause this enemy is hidden.

I know where my help comes from and I’m giving my all to this.

Through Man Up and Legacy, we have been able to transform all the 36 years of pain and abuse into victory, our marriage has been restored and we are able to help so many young men and women stuck in the cycle of the courts and prison through the work of our 3 residential homes.

I was awarded Man of the Year for Man Up in 2017. I want to try and be a mentor to those young people. I can see myself in each and every one of them.

Stay focused. Stay on the true path. Tu Tangata.

The Story of Freda Manahi,

I was born in Christchurch, into a blended family of 10 children, I was number 11. We came up to Auckland when I was 5. My Dad was a provider and my Mum was a homemaker. My world was complete and secure. I felt loved and adored.

I knew who I was, where I belonged, and my family was close. I was the youngest of 11 children – the baby girl.

When I got hurt, Mum would treat me with her knowledge of natural Maori medicine, and taught me about herbal remedies and poultices from plant leaves -she was the one I always ran to in any trouble.

I never ever heard any arguing or violence between my parents. I remember the aroma of her home cooked meals and baking when I came home from school.

My Mum was a fantastic cook and she would do a lot of volunteer work, our home was an open home and we often had people through that Mum and Dad were helping.

Mum got sick with Cancer. I was 9 or 10 years old when I noticed the changes to her energy and body.

I saw her change physically from being a vibrant, strong, capable woman to nothing more than skin and bone, she was so frail, it hurt her to hold me. I was always told to go out of her room, not allowed to ask what was happening or allowed to hug her. It felt like she was sick for a long time before she died.

When Mum died, my heart broke. Our whole family felt lost and confused.

Everyone was afraid. Dad was a worker; he didn’t know what to do. Mum was the heart of our home and without her we felt like we couldn’t breathe. I didn’t understand and put up walls to protect myself. I felt alone and afraid. I had no one to talk to about what I was feeling.

Me and my older sister stuck together cause the adults weren’t talking with us. Dad’s heart was broken when Mum died. He did not know how to love us like she did, let alone raise 5 girls, instead he worked long hours to provide for us and drank. I always loved and respected my Dad for remaining on his own for the next 20 years before he died.

I was left out of my father’s love at home and felt ignored. I was teased about my mum being dead at school. I felt embarrassed about being different and I hated it.

The teasing shut me down, I was exposed and didn’t know who to talk to, my safe place was gone.

I was Incredibly lonely and just wanted to hide away. I hated attention and didn’t like to talk much. I was truant from school regularly to avoid the teachers asking me questions or from being teased or singled out.

I started playing up and was drinking alcohol at 11 years old, it was easy to get hold of and nobody cared.

Alcohol helped me cope with my overwhelming loneliness, shame and heartache. I got involved with a boy in the Black Saints gang. The other main gang at the time was the Mangere Dogs (which eventually became the Mongrel Mob.) Their pad was in the flats next to our homestead. I joined a girls’ gang and met up with other girls from different areas in Mangere, we would often get into fights and partied up at the ‘Logs’.

School was just a place to meet my friends, I was rebellious and when me and my friend’s got in trouble cause of our fights, Dad sent me to live with my sister.

My older sister and I were too much for my Dad to handle within the year of my Mum dying and so he made a decision to send me away to one of my older sisters who had a young family. I felt like I was unwanted and out of favour in my whanau.

Four years after my first long term boyfriend went away to Borstal in Levin, I met another man. He was my sisters’ brother-in-law and worked as a security guard in a pub. He was confident and charming.

However he had a very dark side to him that would be fully revealed to me 9 months into our relationship. Under his influence, I was introduced to crime, jail, violent abuse, pills and acid (trips).

My new boyfriend had had a rough upbringing - beaten by his father and influenced by his brother who had joined the Mob. Life with him was like nothing I could have ever imagined. He could knock out the biggest and staunchest men with his punch.

When he beat me, I would fight back as long as I could as he tried to knock me out.

I was controlled by fear and violence, constantly beaten down with his words and his fists. I would stay silent and take his beatings time after time, to avoid bringing attention to myself because I was embarrassed of my decision to be with him.

People were saying, “Oh well, Sis, you chose this life.”

He made me feel ugly and I couldn’t do anything right. I was told I was nothing. I believed his lies and was trapped.

I was so embarrassed, ashamed and afraid. I didn’t want my family to see the bruises or the cuts to my face and body, so I would hide in my room for days, sometimes weeks until I healed.

I lied to the hospital staff about my injuries, saying I had fallen down or that dislocations happened all the time because I had loose joints.

Once he had beaten me until I blacked out. I woke the next morning with a broken collar bone and a dislocated elbow, my face had been cleaned up and I saw a pile of bloodied sheets and towels in the corner of the room. He had tried to nurse me and even made me breakfast!

He was telling me he was sorry. I thought, “what the Hell am I still doing here?”

I was under his spell, and at his desperate pleading for me not to leave him, I agreed to not only stay but to marry him. Our ceremony was held at Paremoremo Maxi Prison in 1985. Our guests were six of the inmates (all Mongrel Mob), my two sisters and four of my friends. My Dad refused to attend my wedding.

Our marriage wasn’t because of love, it was all about control. I don’t remember feeling any love from him. I was so afraid.

Every time I had tried to leave, he would find me. He was full of anger, hate and bitterness and took it out on the one he was supposed to love and protect; even the ‘bros’ in the Mob couldn’t stop him from hurting me.

One promise I made myself was that the man I first slept with would be the man I would marry Regardless! And so, I stayed loyal.

I was trapped in a code of silence, controlled by fear and violence. I lied and covered for him constantly.

My family hated my husband for the way he treated me but were powerless to do anything about it. I was afraid of what would happen to my Dad and family if I tried to leave because of his threats of burning my family home down.

When he was in prison, I could relax, but whenever he got released, I was in constant stress and fear.

In October 1988, he got released from an 8 year lag in ‘Parry’ and announced we were moving to Rotorua. I thought we were moving to make a fresh start, but his motives were to recruit patch members for his MMM NZ chapter. Rotorua wasn’t all bad though, ‘cause this is where I first met Biddy Stewart, a woman who was set to change the course of my life.

After suffering through 3 tragic miscarriages I was finally hapu. I was staying alone in Rotorua because my husband was in Prison again, but I was happy. I gave birth to my daughter in 1989 in Rotorua hospital. She was so beautiful and precious to me, I felt truly blessed and fulfilled.

I poured all my love into my daughter. I wanted her to have the experience I had had in my early years with Mum.

I took her to visit her Dad in Prison when she was just 5 days old. I had also decided to leave Rotorua and asked to return to my father’s home, but because he had already taken in my older sisters and all their children, and because of all the grief I gave him because of my husband’s actions, he wouldn’t allow it. Instead, he put me and my girl in the flat next door (where the Mob had stayed years before).

“You made your bed, now you have to lie in it”

This only confirmed to me that I was alone and had no one who would protect or love me. I thought God was punishing me, it was the only way I could try and make sense of my situation.

I protected my daughter from the Mob, and never took her to any Mob events while her Dad was locked up. I didn’t know about prayer, but one night when my sister was drunk and freaking out – I spoke the only ‘God words’ I knew, which was the Lord’s Prayer in Maori.

I saw the peace that the prayer bought her and that’s when it hit me that God must be real and I needed his help.

Years later, after my husband had been released from his sentence in Waikeria, we traveled to Rotorua for Mob business. We heard Biddy had changed her life and left the Mob and drugs because of Destiny Church, so I took the opportunity to meet with her to see for myself.

Biddy was just the one I needed, I talked and she listened. Her peace and obvious changed life was the truth and light I needed to start my own journey out.

I began going along to some Destiny Church services in Cortina Place, Pakuranga after talking with Biddy, but I couldn’t commit fully to a complete change even though when Bishop preached, I felt like he was talking just to me.

I was stressed. Sick with uncertainty and having to keep my daughter safe.

I told my husband to leave and not to come back in 2009. He was screwing me up with his mind games. He was heavily addicted to Meth, having an affair with another woman and in massive debt due to his habit. Life with him was a living hell. My husband would take my girl and her boyfriend with him on his drug runs up and down the country. Our daughter was now living the life I was but three times worse off.

I was desperate and was pleading with God to show me a way out.

It was through Biddy and her husband Brett that I heard about Man Up. She managed to convince my husband to come along to their 2016 launch in Manukau. He sat through the talking and testimonies visibly agitated and sweating because he was coming down off a high.

At the challenge to ‘Man Up’ my husband was first on his feet and at the front.

Biddy nudged me, “that’s good aye, Sis?“ I was skeptical, “Nah, we’ll see if it lasts.”

Five weeks went by and my husband had been to his Man Up group every week!

Slowly, I observed obvious and lasting change in him. He had come off the Meth, his countenance had changed, he was peaceful and the violence and head games toward me had stopped. It was miraculous!

His transformation led me to reach out to Biddy again, this time for myself.

I sat stunned and silent for the first three sessions of Legacy; overwhelmed by these strange, confident and positive women.

I was too shy and ashamed to speak. My habit of hiding and staying quiet was being challenged, and it was hard. Biddy would speak of my potential and I would hang my head, unable to believe the good and positive things she would say to me.

Eventually, I began to gain confidence and started to lead different parts of the legacy group and slowly through the support of my beautiful sisterhood, I came out of my shell.

My daughter saw the massive change in her Dad, and a year later, she started attending Legacy with me. Her fiancée is going to Man Up and her life is now happy and content. She is full of gratitude for what Man Up & Destiny Church has done to heal our family.

God was turning my pain and sorrow into joy and beauty. I was amazed. This time, when I went back to Destiny Church I took my husband. We felt welcome and empowered.

We both gave our hearts to the Lord and were water baptised. The people we met were non-judgmental and they genuinely cared for us.

The walls I had built to protect myself were gently being pulled down and I felt loved, really loved. I realise now that God had shown me who he was though my Mum’s love; I recognized him in Church and I knew that he had been with me through all my hell.

My husband was changing before my eyes. I couldn’t believe how a Church could be doing this!

This man, who had lived in Prison for the majority of his adult life - cruel, cunning, violent and controlling; was now kind, caring and determined to be a better man, husband and father.

Jesus has restored my true identity and given me a purpose bigger than myself. Yes, my husband and I still have hard days and yes, we still make mistakes, but nothing like we used to.

What we found through Man Up, Legacy and Destiny Church were the keys to unlock our hurt and pain and bring us into freedom.

I have forgiven my husband. I trust him and respect his leadership. I love him. I love myself.

I honour Bishop Brian and Hannah Tamaki, they are incredible people and are genuine in their love for the Church. I love their passion and relentless drive to help other people, especially Maori.

My purpose, alongside my husband, is to heal the brokenhearted, to bring strength to the weak and hope to the hopeless. We were born for this cause and God has kept us alive for his glory.

The Story of Niko Apulu.

I grew up in Otara. I had 2 older brothers, but only one lived at home. Mum was a single parent and did her best to make ends meet and raise me, but she wasn’t well and ended up in hospital. I was placed with another family member.

During this time, I started to rebel; wagging school and hanging out with the wrong influences.

I moved around to a lot of different family members, but I didn’t treat them well and ended up being kicked out onto the streets.

I lived as a street kid in the CBD of Auckland. I had two options: beg or steal. I choose to steal.

I got good at stealing and graduated from snatch and grabs and shoplifting to home invasions and aggravated robberies. I had no care about what I was doing. In my mind, I was stealing to survive.

I was on the streets and in and out of Youth Prison units for 2 and a half years.

My girlfriend and I were living together off her dole money. She was pregnant and I couldn’t get a job, so I decided to rob banks to provide for our baby that was on the way.

I went on a spree of bank robberies over a period of 6 months. I robbed 5 banks and stole close to $30,000.

I was a regular on Police Ten 7 watch lists and a notorious thief in Waikato and Auckland.

I used the stolen money to buy a car and lots of baby gear, but mostly I smoke or drank the money away. The week baby was due, the Police raided our home and I was arrested.

I was convicted of armed bank robbery in 2009 and sentenced to 3 years in 2 different prisons: Waikeria and Spring Hill. I was 22 years old.

During the time I was in prison, I learnt the ins and outs of prison life and made some connections which I was committed to using when I was released.

I completed four programmes , but I just did them to tick the box and position me for an early release.

There was no depth into looking at why I stole or helping me understand the pain of my upbringing and life on the streets, no real tools or follow up offered and no connection or relationship developed between me and the facilitator.

On my release, they gave me $350 for my ‘Steps to Freedom’, but really it was $350 for my steps to re-offend, cause that’s what I did! It was a joke! It cost NZ government and taxpayers $280K to house me for those 3 years.

I was released and placed on 24-hour home detention in Otara. During this time, I met a new girlfriend. She was unlike anyone I had known before. I was in love and we got married.

I took all of my 25 years of dysfunction into my marriage and pretty soon, cracks began to show in our relationship.

We had a daughter and another on the way when I failed a random drug test at work. My wife wanted to go back to church and wanted change, but I was far from it and started to sell drugs to maintain my habit. Our marriage and home life got worse and worse and I knew my wife was ready to walk.

I had to make some drastic decisions if I wanted to keep our marriage and family together.

I went with my wife back to church. She had close connections with leaders in Destiny Church and had been part of the church before she met me. She had always spoken highly of Bishop Tamaki, but I had made my own assumption of him and the Church from what I had seen and read in the media.

I felt insecure and had my walls up from the start. I asked myself why would she want to bring me here? I felt like this for the first couple months until I started Man Up with Elder Caine and General Kaiui.

My motivation to go to Man Up initially was, that if I did this, my wife would be happy and get off my case, but Man Up totally changed my world!

I really engaged with the content of the programme and I started to identify and connect with what a lot of the men were sharing. Week by week, as I continued to go, I started to expose the dysfunctions in my own life and slowly but surely started to overcome.

I felt more confident in myself and I made a decision to get to everything I could out of the Man Up programme and facilitators.

The Brotherhood became a reality for me. Seeing the other men that had come from similar backgrounds start to forge a new life, gave me a sense of purpose. I believe I started to re-gene and recondition my heart, as much as I was knitting my heart towards Elder and General, I was spiritually knitting my heart to our Man of God too.

At a Covenant camp, I had my first spiritual encounter. It was such an overwhelming feeling that I couldn't control my crying (and I don't cry; ask my wife!)

I made a decision that day to be the interruption to my bloodline and to make a stand for my family and the generations to come.

That same weekend, I also choose to be water baptised with the Brotherhood as witnesses. I've been planted and committed to Destiny Church ever since.

The Church have embraced me and truly taken me in as a son.

My wife and I have forged great friendships within the church that will last a lifetime. I've come to understand kingdom principles such as tithing and that's been our foundation for financial blessings.

Since completing my first Man Up programme, my life has gone to new levels.

I’ve dropped the drugs and alcohol, my relationship with my wife is at an all-time high and are giving our three kids the best start in life. I have a successful career in the biggest quarry in N.Z, and most importantly me and my wife have taken on the honour of being Generals for the suburb of Mangere where we lead a number of Man Up and Legacy groups that are making a real difference in our community.

God has been so faithful in all areas of my life. I am truly grateful for the ministry of Bishop Brian and Hannah Tamaki. I am a fruit of their dedication to see transformed lives through Christ.

The testimony of Pastor Derek Tait regarding events on March 15, 2019 and the days afterward.

ManUp is known in Christchurch. There are ManUp and Legacy groups all over the city and as far as Ashburton and Timaru.

ManUp and Legacy are known for their work with people at grassroots level, with no discrimination or prejudice; getting out and about in the local community areas - Meeting needs and facilitating positive change.

On Friday March 15, I was with some friends in a local café, chatting over a coffee.

When the cop cars went screaming past, we reflected on a shooting incident that had happened in the area just last week. We hoped something like that hadn’t happened again.

“We noticed 1 then 2, then 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 cop cars! Far out! What’s going on here?”

I was shocked as details of the mosque shootings were broadcast through the local radio and news networks.

With the threat of potential “shooters on the loose” public places & schools went into lock down. People were advised to stay indoors and away from windows.

My wife and I contacted our team leaders and immediately started messaging everybody on our contact lists, checking everyone was okay.

My instructions to my teams were; “Be ready to move, think on your feet, flow with the wind, do whatever it takes to show love and to meet needs.”

Our first move was to go to the Hospital to offer help and support to the people who were gathering there. That’s where the famous photo of a gang member and one of our ManUp men was taken. The Hongi and hug showed compassion and brotherhood between ManUp and the gangs. “I see you brother, we are in this together.”

We couldn’t believe it when that photo went global and ended up in the New York Times!

At the Destiny Church service on Sunday, I reiterated the need to be out there in the community and show support and love –

“It’s bigger than ManUp or Destiny, it’s about the love of Christ. Do everything you can to show support to the people affected.”

A school across from Hagley Park became a refuge for Muslim families to gather and have a place to stay. There were armed Police guarding the building and strict security procedures to get in.

When my team and I arrived to lay flowers outside the school, we were surprised when one of the elders of the Muslim community ushered us past the Police and formalities into the room where the families were gathered. I can only think it was because he recognised the Tu Tangata logo on our T-Shirts.

As we walked in, people hugged us and shook our hands. We felt very welcome.

The Muslim elder proceeded to speak to the crowd in Arabic and then passed the microphone to me.

“Can you say a few words my brother?”

I was a bit shocked to be honest, but I understood the honour and the opportunity I was being given, so I went ahead.

I began by saying how very sorry I was that this tragedy had happened to their community. I explained the work of Manup and Legacy in Christchurch and that we were part of the ministry of Destiny Church. My main theme was “love is greater than hate”, from Bishop Tamaki’s message that very morning.

I passed on the condolences and love from Bishop Brian and Pastor Hannah Tamaki and Destiny Church at this very sad time.

I explained the meaning of Tu Tangata and we did a Haka. I told them why this is a significant act for Maori to do.

After our men finished the Haka, the response was incredible! The people were so grateful, they clapped for us and hugged us; they also were adamant that we couldn’t leave until we had shared food with them.

During the meal, we swapped contact details and names and began organising an event for Hagley Park called “Haka for Hope, Ride for Hope.”

My team and I created an event on Facebook. There wasn’t a lot of time, but our city was grieving and looking for ways to show support, so we hoped people would get in behind this event.

Bishop Tamaki and Pastor Hannah had complete faith in us representing them and were whole heartedly in support of our plans.

On the day of the event, over 50 riders from gangs and various clubs rode with us. We had a police escort to lead and follow our group. I was amazed and deeply honoured.

“To ride with that many riders and a police escort after a day’s notice was awesome and no mean feat. There was a great deal of respect all round.”

There were around 1000 people already gathered at the park and at the noise of the bikes, they swarmed to where we were.

There was a lot of local and international media there to take pictures and interview us. I noticed that the international journalists were really positive, not challenging or negative toward us. It was refreshing! They labelled us “gang members” and kept promoting ManUp/Tu Tangata as the face of the “Gangs of NZ.”

My daughter Jade, sung our National anthem and our team lead everyone in the Ngai Tahu Haka of Tika Tonu.

When it was my turn to address the crowd, I was very aware of all I was representing; ManUp, Destiny Church, Bishop Brian and Pastor Hannah Tamaki and ultimately Jesus Christ.

“We are their voice, their hands, their feet. If you know me, you know him”

I reiterated the quote from Bishop’s Sunday message as my main theme –

Love is greater than hate.

People were blown away by the event. There were two particular Muslim men that had come over from Sydney, (they had escorted Sonny-Bill Williams and Anthony Mundene over) who were very interested in us and asked us lots of questions about who we were and why we were doing what we were doing.

My answer to them was, we are here to show love and support to the Muslim families in Christchurch.

“I believe my presence matters, being here makes a difference. I’ll stand against evil no matter who it is, love is greater than hate.”

At the mass funeral service one week after the shootings, I stood with the crowd outside the prayer area that had been set up.

One of the men from Sydney who I’d met earlier, approached me and invited me to come with him into the prayer area.

“Come, my brother, I want you to come and be with us as we pray.”

This was the first corporate prayer gathering for them since the shooting, so I felt that he wanted me to watch and keep guard while they were at their most vulnerable.

As far as the Muslim community is concerned, ManUp is a gang so I invited a Mob member to come and stand with me to show the unity between the gangs.

Only Muslim men were in that prayer area, everyone else was outside the barriers - even the Prime Minister and the media crews!

We were asked to wash our face and hands before we entered the prayer area, which we did, but we weren’t under pressure at any time to pray or bow with them.

I told the Mob member that I would observe the 2 minutes silence but would not be saying their prayer. He agreed he wouldn’t either.

We stood while they prayed with the world media immediately to our right. I knew the media cameras would be going to town. This was when the iconic photo of us was taken. There were 2 main messages in that photo for me:

The photo showed me standing on my conviction that Jesus Christ is Lord and Lord alone.The photo showed NZ gang members guarding Muslims at their most vulnerable time.

After the prayer, Muslim men thanked us, hugged us and wanted photos with us”

We later attended the burial ceremony. I was deeply moved by the sight of 26 freshly dug graves. It was very sad.

To be honest, I was not surprised by the reaction from the Christian community in regard to me standing during the prayer.

The Muslim community did not see my actions as a sign of disrespect to their faith, they know I’m a Christian and didn’t expect me to pray with them.

They just wanted me to stand and watch out for them while they prayed. Yes, we have different beliefs but it’s not a hate crime to disagree!

One of the most touching stories I’ve heard in this whole thing was the response of one of the men who survived the shooting in the mosque. He was asked by a reporter,

“Do you hate the shooter?” His answer was one of the greatest things I’ve ever heard – “No, I forgive him.”

The bottom line is that 50 innocent New Zealanders were murdered in that event, and that is not okay!

There are two main things that stand out to me as I reflect on this experience:

love is always greater than hate, andstaying true to the conviction of my faith is a powerful statement of strength and authority.

Rise up people of the Lord, stand and proclaim who you are.

E Tu Tangata! Stand Tall. Stand Strong.